I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.
Its a step by step guide.
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
440 replies to this topic
#381
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 19 February 2023 - 09:30 am
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#382
Snowbird
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 1,402 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 21 February 2023 - 06:23 pm
A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'
She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?............
'A Rectum Stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot rectum?' he asked
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge..
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#383
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 22 February 2023 - 04:24 pm
I was confused when my printer started playing music.
Until I realised the paper was jamming.
Until I realised the paper was jamming.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#384
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 24 February 2023 - 09:14 pm
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I'm in the hospital now waiting to be seen.
I'm in the hospital now waiting to be seen.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#385
Snowbird
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 1,402 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 24 February 2023 - 11:49 pm
In honour of 9er riders the next james bond movie will be transexual, I can't wait for the release of Cocktopussy.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#386
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 01 March 2023 - 06:38 am
What do conspiracy theorists and Excel have in common?
They spreadsheet.
They spreadsheet.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#387
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 09 March 2023 - 07:02 am
A book just fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
I only have my shelf to blame.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#388
ChrisG
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 8,277 posts
Resident vulture
- Location:Netherlands
- TDM model: 2009
Posted 09 March 2023 - 08:38 am
The saying "I before E except after C" has been disproven by scientists.
1992 Mk1, 76k miles, Hagon springs, MTC exhaust, 4½ gears Gone now 
2009 900 abs, 42k miles, Yamaha heated grips, double bubble screen, R&G crash bungs, scottoiler, Autocom, 1500 lumen LED spotlights.
#389
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 15 March 2023 - 09:56 am
What do you call a car with OCD?
Arrange Rover
Arrange Rover
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#390
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 17 March 2023 - 07:59 am
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home all the signs were there.
But when I got home all the signs were there.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#391
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 07 May 2023 - 09:24 am
What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesitater
A hesitater
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#392
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 09 May 2023 - 05:09 am
My yoga teacher came from Jamaica.
She teaches The Pilates Of The Carribbean
She teaches The Pilates Of The Carribbean
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#393
PICARD
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 1,760 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Wirral / wherever I lay my hat!
- TDM model: 2004
Posted 15 May 2023 - 06:16 pm
I've just landed a new job on shifts making chess pieces. I start on knights next week.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
#394
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 27 May 2023 - 07:26 am
I've started investing in stocks, beef, chicken, vegetable.
One day i hope to be a bouillionaire
One day i hope to be a bouillionaire
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#395
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 30 May 2023 - 06:38 am
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbits feet.
I thought wow... he's pushing his luck.
I thought wow... he's pushing his luck.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#396
Studley Ramrod
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 19,274 posts
Monkey Boys Monkey
- Location:HELLO ! I'm in the Library...Notts
- TDM model: 1993
Posted 31 May 2023 - 04:58 pm
Mk2a 2000 in Silver. Top end Refurb @ 41100 miles, Scottoiler, Renthal Road High Bars, Up & Back Bar Risers, Bellypan, DL650 Handguards, Capt. Picard Bar Ends, House of Henty SS Wheel spacers, New Seat Cover Fitted. 58 MPG !! Now owned by chrisbee ! Studley's mk2a Bloggerydoodaah ! Photos of my first MK1 Photos of my MK2a TPLQHCSRSFC No. 1 Fan
#397
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,201 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 04 June 2023 - 08:10 am
I was going to propose to my girlfriend but my dog ate the ring.
Now it's a diamond in the ruff.
Now it's a diamond in the ruff.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#398
Hombre
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 448 posts
Carpe junky
- Location:Mallorca
- TDM model: 2004
Posted 22 June 2023 - 06:16 pm
I was going to re-marry my ex wife but she realised I was only after my money.
<p>BSA C15T, Ducati 200 Elite, Villiers Cub Trials Bitsa, Ariel Huntmaster, AJS 650 CSR, Sunbeam S7, Suzuki 650 Katana, Honda 400-4, Bultaco 350 Sherpa, Cotton Minarelli, Fantic 303, Yamaha SRX 400, Yamaha 550 Virago, Kawasaki ZZR 1100, Fantic 305, Yamaha TDM 850 '91, Yamaha TDM 900 '04. Ducati 200 Elite (again and now completed restoration), Yamaha SRX-600
#399
Hombre
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 448 posts
Carpe junky
- Location:Mallorca
- TDM model: 2004
Posted 22 June 2023 - 07:22 pm
Hedgehogs eh, why can't they just share?
<p>BSA C15T, Ducati 200 Elite, Villiers Cub Trials Bitsa, Ariel Huntmaster, AJS 650 CSR, Sunbeam S7, Suzuki 650 Katana, Honda 400-4, Bultaco 350 Sherpa, Cotton Minarelli, Fantic 303, Yamaha SRX 400, Yamaha 550 Virago, Kawasaki ZZR 1100, Fantic 305, Yamaha TDM 850 '91, Yamaha TDM 900 '04. Ducati 200 Elite (again and now completed restoration), Yamaha SRX-600
#400
Favs
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 4,415 posts
Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
- TDM model: 2008
Posted 16 August 2023 - 06:52 pm
"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator...."
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
